WHAT IS THE UNCONSCIOUS AND WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH THERAPY?

You have to give credit to the brilliance of our psychological mind. Our psychological structure is set up to help us survive feelings that otherwise surpass our ability to cope at the time (read, especially.. but not always in childhood). When a feeling is overwhelming our psyche protects us by shutting down like a computer on overload. We are protected temporarily- much like fainting when physical pain overwhelms us. That protection comes at a price however. That price comes in the form of unconscious (read out of awareness) notions that many times run our lives (again out of our awareness). The more overwhelming the trauma a person has stored in his or her unconscious (read cumulativebaggage/unprocessed feelings) the more likely they are to be influenced by these unconscious notions. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
So what does this have to do with therapy? These feelings hang out on the edge of awareness, regardless of life experience or passage of time. However, when a person is in emotional pain- and these feelings start to surface they are most readily accessible for processing. It is important to capture the opportunity. The whole point of therapy is to bring these feelings to the forefront so they can be made accessible to the conscious mind for working through. Ideally these feelings get reintegrated into the psyche, thereby losing some of their charge and giving control back over to the conscious mind. Real control is not a bad thing!

But I don’t want to get dependent on therapy.

When a person is beginning therapy they often say I don’t want to get dependent on therapy. In my experience there a difference between the kind of dependence that keeps a person stuck and inhibits growth and the kind of dependability that promotes growth. Many times the person who is most afraid of depending has never been able to depend fully on anyone. They more times than not have experienced manipulation or control, instead of dependability. The truth as I see it, is that depending on your therapist is a nessessary if you are going to make the kind of deep lasting changes that stay with you after therapy has ended.  At a minimum, you need to be able to depend on your therapist to keep the frame- that is to be reliable and consistent  with appointment times, keep the focus on you, and to remember what you say from session to session. Also it is essential that your therapist be able to keep their focus on the underlying emotion of what you are saying. If any of these basic essentials are missing then you aren’t getting all you can from your therapy.

So depending is a key element of a fruitful therapy. Just make sure you are with someone you can depend on.